What To Do When Your Child Prefers One Parent
Share
How to Cope, Respond, and Stay Connected
If your child seems to strongly prefer your partner over you—or vice versa—it can stir up a wave of emotions: hurt, jealousy, guilt, even rejection. But here’s the good news: it’s normal, it’s usually temporary, and it’s not a reflection of your worth as a parent.
Children go through phases where they gravitate more toward one parent. This could be due to personality, routine, emotional needs, or even just a brief preference for how one parent does things. It’s not personal—it’s developmental.
Here’s what you need to know, and how you can respond in ways that keep your bond strong.
Why It Happens
Developmental phases: Around ages 2–4, kids often assert independence by making strong choices like who helps them put on socks or tuck them in.
Attachment shifts: A child might seek out the parent they spend more time with, or the one they see as more comforting or familiar in a certain moment.
Routine-based preferences: If one parent always does bedtime, a child may resist change simply out of habit.
Testing limits: Sometimes it's not preference at all—just boundary-pushing disguised as favouritism.
How Long Does It Last?
These phases often last a few weeks to a few months, depending on the child’s age and life changes (like starting nursery or a new sibling arriving). The preference usually shifts over time or even flips to the other parent unexpectedly!
Top Tips: What to Say & How to Act
1. Don’t take it personally
This is easier said than done, but remind yourself: it’s not rejection it’s a phase. Your child is learning how to express themselves and navigate relationships.
💬 What to say to yourself:
“It's not about me this is a normal stage. My job is to stay steady and loving.”
2. Stay present and available
Even if you're not their "preferred" person at the moment, keep showing up. Read the story. Offer the snack. Be involved without forcing connection.
💬 What to say to your child:
“I’d love to help too. I’m here when you’re ready.”
or
“I know you want Daddy, and I understand. But tonight, Mommy will help with bedtime.”
3. Avoid competition with your partner
Don’t frame the preference as a win/lose situation. Avoid jokes like “You’re the favourite!” even light comments can create unintended pressure for a child.
💬 What to say with your partner:
“Let’s keep things consistent. We both play a part in our child’s life, even when one of us is preferred right now.”
4. Create special one-on-one time
If you’re feeling left out, find small ways to connect without pressure. Go for a walk, read their favourite book, bake something together. Keep it light and enjoyable.
5. Validate your child’s feelings—but keep boundaries
It’s okay to acknowledge your child’s wishes, but it’s also okay to explain when something can’t be changed.
💬 What to say to your child:
“I know you wanted Daddy to do bath time, but it’s my turn tonight. We’ll still have fun together.”
6. Check for underlying causes
Sometimes preference spikes during big transitions (a new school, moving house, a parent going back to work). Watch for other signs of stress or change that might be driving the behaviour.
What Not to Do
Don’t guilt or shame your child for their preference.
Don’t withdraw or disengage from parenting tasks.
Don’t blame your partner or turn the situation into a competition.
Don’t overcompensate with bribes or “winning them back” tactics.
Parental preference phases are natural and short-lived, though they can feel tough in the moment. What matters most is that your child knows they are loved, safe, and accepted by both parents, no matter who they gravitate toward for now.
Keep showing up, stay patient, and trust that the relationship will continue to grow. Love and consistency always make a lasting impression—even if it’s not centre stage right now.